the ones i never met

 

To the ones I never met…

 

Even though you never made it into this world, you made it into my heart.  I loved you from the very beginning — I imagined how you might look, the way you would fit into our family.  Would you be a girl, a sister for my daughter?  Would you braid each other’s hair or share a room and whisper to each other after I said good night?  Or maybe a boy, a brother for my son.  You would get dirty together, you’d go on adventures, you’d be best buds.

 

To the ones I never met, you taught me to be grateful.  When I felt pain, when I knew deep down something was wrong, you gave me a new sense of humility — I couldn’t save you — oh, how I wanted to save you.  When I knew that your tiny heart had stopped beating, you showed me that a mother’s love is one unlike any other.  When I sat hunched, hurting, crying out, you showed me that I shouldn’t take my babies for granted.  In that moment you taught me that nothing else really matters in this life.

 

You didn’t live for long, but I’ll remember you forever — the way my heart skipped a beat when I discovered you were there, and the way it broke when I knew you were gone.

 

To the ones I never met, I think about you every day, and I won’t forget you.  I never got to show you off, or see your smile, or smell your sweet baby smell, but I loved you just the same.  I always will.  Through heartache, you gave me a deeper sense of gratitude and joy for my children that I never would have known before.  Thank you for teaching me that my ways are not His ways.  Thank you for helping me learn that it’s okay to cry, to mourn, and then to let go.

 

To my little ones… the ones I will never meet… you are loved and missed.

 

Love,

mom